Two

Torn apart

One side is the country girl

Get me in the woods

On a four-wheeler

Southern accent

Down in the dirt, dirty

The other side so different

Sophisticated

Classy

Professional

…northern

Clean

Indoors

How do I connect the two?

I feel like I have to choose between them

I see it in the men I like

They are either business

Or extreme country

If I choose the city boy –

I lose my crazy side

Feel sort of beneath him

Because I like to do a lot in the country

If I choose the country boy –

I lose my dreams

My want for professional

For nice things

I feel like I’m the smartest around

No drive to be better

Is it possible to have both?

I don’t think I’ve met anybody

Like me

In male form

I don’t want to choose

Sophisticated or fun

I want to be happy

And I want him to be happy

Not short term

But long term

Anyone can be happy for a few months

Maybe even a few years

But it’s when I start realizing

All the parts of

That have shriveled up

And almost died

That I see

I can’t do this

But by then it’s too late

My heart is already hurting

It is set up to break

Not only that

But because I didn’t listen in the first place

 And I didn’t choose to wait

Like I was told

I will now hurt him as well

I can’t do that to david!!!!

He is too good for that

He is a wonderful man

But God he is NOT FOR ME

I don’t know why I’m telling you that

I’m the one who needs convincing

Why am I so willing to sacrifice half of me

HALF OF ME

For some thoughtful words

And a good feeling?

Why am I not content

Content with you

With who you want to be for me

I want you to be my lover

But am I willing to pay the price

The price of letting go of a MAN

And holding onto you

I don’t see you that way

I wish I did

I want to

But I see you as someone

Something

That cares about part of me

But the other parts don’t matter

You care about the things

Things that affect you

BUT

The things that I want

The things that are important to me

You don’t care

So why would I trust you

Why would I go to you

To fulfill that burning hole inside of me?

I want someone who cares about the unimportant things

And to stupid me

You don’t

I know it in my head

I know you see both sides of me

I know you love both sides of me

But it doesn’t permeate

It doesn’t pervade my spirit

My emotions

So instead I view you as a sort of enemy

Someone who wants to destroy me

And if the one who created me feels that way

Why wouldn’t I?

I want you to be my lover

But first I need to be wooed

Because I don’t see you as someone who can be my everything

I want to

I yearn to

By I don’t

I just don’t

So take these two sides of me

The country twang

The business classy

Mesh them into one Kara

And become the lover I long for

Please Father

Show me the lover I long for.