Carousel

What am I feeling?

Anxious

Scared

Alone

Lost

Distant

Panicked

I can’t stop

I’m exhausted

My eyes want to close

They have a mind of their own

But I can’t stop

I’m going

And going

And going

Like a broken carousel

My world spins

Round

And round

And round

The ride felt good

For a little

Now I’m gripping

Squeezing

Whatever I can hold

Dizzy

Everything is swirling

I’m so tired of holding on

My fingers are slipping

I’m losing control

What control?

I’ve never had it

So I move

Whether I want to or not

I’m moving

Going round

And round

My heart thudding in my chest

My stomach twisting into knots

My head

Oh my head hurts

It’s spinning faster than the ride

The pounding inside my head

Becomes louder than life

So my life becomes

Spinning

Grasping or falling

Nauseous

And the only sound I hear

Is the

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

In my head

Like the drum of a circus bear

BOOM

I see people yelling

Trying to say something

But I cannot hear

No one thinks to go to the switch

Just turn off the switch

But it’s too late now

I’m too far gone

I don’t know if I could ever stop moving now

 I feel the pole I’m holding

Slipping from my sweaty fingers

I try and grip harder

If I let go

I die

But I can’t seem to hold on

Doesn’t anybody care?

You’re all going about your daily lives

Walking around

Seeing me moving

Thinking I’m enjoying the ride

You don’t see the fear

My petrified eyes…

The vomit all over my clothes

The death grip I have on the pole –

My lifeline –

You only see the pretty horses

The up

And down

The intricate carriages

Circus characters

Looking so quaint

Inside the beauty

I am dying

Being ripped apart

By the twirling

And swirling

The BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

I need help

But if I open my mouth

All that comes out

Is the shit from the day

No cry for help

I’m stuck in a nightmare

Needing to scream

Knowing someone may help

But not able to make a sound

Help me please

Someone help me!